Day #1: The Snuggie

Reason #38947 Why I Don’t Have A Boyfriend: The Snuggie.

Even Al's got one.

We all know it, we all have an opinion about it. Snuggies are the perfect fad: they come in a wide variety of sizes, patterns and colors, and are species specific… not to mention they are the most stupidly brilliant invention. Snuggies really are “The Blanket With Sleeves”. If you don’t have one (first of all, you really ARE missing out) and live in a Cambodian fishing village and have never seen one, they are a gigantic fleece blanket with two holes cut out with sleeves attached– thus, a BLANKET with SLEEVES. Sheer, unadulterated, American-Authentic, lazy-man’s brilliance.

I am guilty into playing in to nearly every fad that has come into existence in my life, including the Snuggie. As a broke college kid, I begged my mother to buy me a Snuggie when she came to visit me at school and took me to Wal-Mart. When she told me I may have to wait till Christmas, I rattled off a list of 13 different reasons why I needed my Snuggie NOW. My generous mother, bless her heart, let me take my Snuggie home and put it on that day.

From Day #1, it was love. I put it on and I felt a deep, visceral satisfaction I hadn’t felt since the first time I saw Purple Rain on VHS. Snuggie and I started doing everything together. We played Harry Potter (it’s remarkable how much you can look like a Wizard in The Blanket With Sleeves), we played The Knights Who Say “Nee” (Stand on the bottom steps of a staircase in your snuggie, and you’ll understand), we pretended to be John Phillip Sousa and Princess Padme. Since there’s no heat in my house, I would wear Snuggie pinned at the small of my back before I got dressed and was getting ready. I would lay in bed under the covers with Snuggie. Snuggie and I were insta-soul mates.

Then it hit me– Snuggie is yet another reason I don’t have a boyfriend. The list is long and consistent in its mercilessness; but Snuggie had to be chalked up to the list. No man wants a woman who would choose sit around covered in a blanket specifically designed so she can hold her cat and watch Purple Rain simultaneously. Women who find joy in pretending to be Professor Dumbledore don’t exactly send out siren-calls for life partners. Although I have many other vices, Snuggie is just another brick in the wall separating me from companionship.

I’ve had a lot of boys come and go in my life thus far; most of whom I am not sad to have seen go… but I do know that if my Snuggie were to disappear today, I’d be a hell of a lot sadder about that than most of those men. So Snuggie, I hope that you don’t let the haters get you down, I hope you don’t fade into ADD Consumer Oblivion alongside Pogs and Beanie Babies, and I hope that you keep doing what you were made to do– make it simple comfortable, and cozy for me to snuggle with my cat (who I got because I don’t have a boyfriend) while watching a movie (which will make me sad because I don’t have a boyfriend) all the while staying nice and warm and resembling Hermione Granger (who eventually gets a boyfriend).

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9 Comments

Filed under Al Roker Cameos, Best Ideas Ever, Cat Lady, Harry Potter, Obsessions, Reasons I Don't Have a Boyfriend, Shameless Prince References

9 responses to “Day #1: The Snuggie

  1. Seems we have the same road ahead…Well, different roads but the same goal. That’s not true either, is it? Ah well, you know what I mean.

  2. The Last Post

    Oh I really want a snuggie now, this is quite a coincidence since I was just reading “Dufmanno’s Blog” and she was saying how good they are.

    Actually it is probably just as well I don’t have one thinking about it. I would most likely snuggle down in it come the autumn and not emerge until well into the spring.

    Anyway it’s been nice reading your blog. Wishing you a happy and peaceful New Year.

    Kindest Regards

    Sandy.

    • I’ll have to check out Dufmanno immediately… he/she sounds like my kind of people! Thanks for checking me out, I just got started yesterday so hopefully I’ll get better with time! I read your blog too and I love it; I’ll be around a lot more! And please let me know if you get that Snuggie, I’d recommend it in blue 🙂

      Happy New Year to you, Sandy!

  3. dufmanno

    I have yet to play the Knights Who Say “Nee” in my Snuggie so I am off and running to find the other members of my family to start this game post haste.
    And don’t be deceived by the lure of companionship. The Snuggie provides the endless warmth and comfort that a boyfriend RARELY does and you don’t want to put cigarettes out in the Snuggies eyesockets after it’s had too much to drink at the pub. Just sayin’.

  4. Stepalicious

    Ooooh! I love, love, love this! YOU are so darn funny! I do not have a Snuggie…and I think I must get one. I never even considered the glory of Snuggie creates Harry…Hermione or Ron!

    Endless creative opportunities!

  5. This is brillant! Really made me chuckle. Thanks for your comments on mine!

    Will

    x

  6. I love what you write about! Snuggies, Spanx… you speak my language!

    Thanks for commenting on my “blog” too.
    Reminder of what it is:
    http://holdyourhorse.wordpress.com

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