Real Talk.

I think Purple Rain is a seriously underrated movie. Anything involving Prince, the 80’s, mood lighting, pleather, and miserable acting is a hit with me.

If I could be one person, I’d be Lindsay Buckingham; not only because I could play awesome guitar and be part of the best band ever, but because I had a few years worth of steady love-making with the goddess herself, Stevie Nicks.

The words “weiner”, “ointment”, and “fanny” will always get a chuckle out of me, it’s like I’m a 7-year-old.

I’m a sucker for an infomercial. Any day you can find me wearing a Strap Perfect, under my snuggie, waiting on my George Foreman to heat up, and getting ready to clean up with Oxy Clean and ShamWows. It’s a problem.

Developing my tastes for fine wine didn’t come with time or actual real discriminating tastes; I go to the grocery, pick out affordable wines with awesome labels, and convince my stupid Franzia drinking classmates that it’s the real deal.

I tend to eat finger foods in size order… that means you, chicken nuggets.

Immediately dismissing popular things is a habit of mine, I like to seem like I’m “above it all”. Then I realize that Lady Gaga is a badass, and shows like Glee and The Office really are awesome.

My three least favorite things are Racists, Nickleback, and watching sex scenes in movies with my parents, in that order.

I’m a “purist” when it comes to cooking; I’m great at it, but I get instantly offended when someone suggests I use a pre-made cake mix or Ragu. You wouldn’t suggest that the Pope just says The Lord’s Prayer and gets on with it.I like to make things from scratch, not only because I can, but because I like to hold it over peoples heads that they don’t have the time/desire/ability to do the same.

I have a running tally of reasons I don’t have a boyfriend… Another reason I don’t have a boyfriend.

Quoting Monty Python in everyday conversations is a habit of mine, which is unfortunate because very few 20-somethings in the South have any knowledge of it, let alone an ability to recall quotes from obscure skits from the Flying Circus. Then I just look like a nub who makes British jokes in bad taste.

I check I Can Haz Cheeseburger, My Life is Average, Awkward Family Photos, Unrelated Captions, Pundit Kitchen, People of Walmart, and Stuff White People Like with an embarrassingly ardent obsession.


4 responses to “Real Talk.

  1. you are my new souvenir.

  2. dufmanno

    Prince rocks but what is your take on Morris Day and the Time? While your at it let’s talk about Apollonia 6 as well.

    • I mean, Morris coined my life motto: Gigolos get lonely too. And that little sideways kick-dance thing? I’ve been working on it since birth… I’ll never do it like the Time.

      The Apollonia 6 however? I honestly didn’t know they were real other than outside Purple Rain… But I just watched the “OOoo She Wa Wa” video and I think I may have just seen the best/worst video of all time.

      There are still so many things left for me to learn.

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